Title: Dream Girl
Genre: Paranormal Romance YA
Word Count: 75,425
Ok, I'm currently grappling with POV in my revision. I had started out with the intention of writing everything from the protagonist, Christine's, POV but I attended a workshop a couple weekends ago that prompted me to consider alternating POV. The voice of Gabriel hit me like a ton of bricks while I was in the shower. (isn't that where the best writing ideas come from?) Anyway, here is the originally scheduled Chapter 1. followed by the new Chapter 1. What do you think? I think I know what you're going to say, but still. I need your help!
Chapter 1. Gabriel
I hear voices on the beach, too close for comfort. Next comes the crunch of boots on wet sand. I whip my head around, expecting to discover them right behind me but I don’t see anyone yet. Sometimes, it takes awhile for visuals to kick in. One thing is clear; they’re after me again.
“Gabriel,” a woman calls my name and I book it into the fringe of trees that sandwich the beach between the water. A branch scratches the hell out of my cheek but I don’t have time to care until I’m tucked safe in the dense foliage of a well-placed bush.
Peering out from my shelter, I catch sight of them, right where I’d been standing seconds before. Damn, they’re closer than they’d ever gotten before, two of them, a guy and a girl. Most of the time, I don’t see them but when I do, they always wear black combat boots. Nothing else about them is consistent, from clothing, to numbers, to gender but always the boots. It must be a requirement of their group, whoever the hell they are.
They walk together, heads swiveling in every direction as they look for me. I try not to look directly at them for fear that they’ll feel me watching them and come straight for me.
“Gabriel, are you here?” calls the girl.I don’t answer. She looks short enough that I could take her if I have to, but she also has a spiky hair
Anime chic vibe going on that I don’t want to mess with.
OR....the original much revised version of Chapter 1.
For most of my eighteen years, everything had been as normal as the Cheerios I’d eaten for breakfast. I was still getting used to living in my apartment but confident that I’d be all settled by the time college started in September. Summer stretched out before me like a lazy cat. Nothing about it, or my regular drive to work, indicated that the Gothic adventures I so loved to read were about to become more than fiction.
Ten minutes late, as usual, I hustled into the public library, my workplace for the past three years. Ditching my purse in my locker, I strode into the workroom, an open space populated by cubicles for the librarians and long tables for the support staff. I held my breath as I scurried past the row of supervisor offices on my right. The last thing I wanted was for one of them to glance at their clock and see that I wasn’t manning the circulation desk yet.
Escaping detection in supervisor alley, I made it to the staff copy room, where our mailboxes resided. Hoping to just duck in to retrieve my nametag, I discovered my boss, Laura Faust, talking to a guy who wore his brown tee shirt and rumpled jeans really well. At least, he looked good from behind, which was all I could see of him.
I tried to inconspicuously snake my arm around them to access my mailbox but Laura stopped me.“Christine,” she said. “I’d like you to meet Gabriel, our new page.”